Cini faan for my sister
I've been reading through the comments on this blog - apart from the fact that half the people don't like me or my family - the same people either accuse me of making things up and trying to work out who I am.
I don't sit here making things up - if that was the case i might as well write a novel - i think some people just have a hard time believing me because they don't want to believe that there are people like me and many girls like me out there.
You might not agree with our lifestyles but i'm only telling you like it is.
Someone else suggested that I am related to the Editor of the paper as I share her sister's name.
I am not related to anybody on the paper and have not even met any of the editorial staff, I write this blog and as long as i don't offend or defame anybody as I have been told many times I am allowed to carry on with this.
By the way I am not 4ft 11 - the average height of Bengali women is over 5ft and I don't share a house with 15 siblings (I mean where do you guys get your stereotypes from). I get accused of stereotyping but my god you guys are just as bad sometimes.
People are always trying to guess who I am - it will be rather difficult considering i live in a large city and share a popular bengali name with many other girls!
We have another Rujina on my mum's street who gets accused by her friends for writing this. Everybody is trying to second guess, its pointless, Manchester is huge i'm afraid.
So i put my personal story for the world to read - really if you don't like it nobody is forcing you to read it.
Anyway on a lighter note - I have good news to share.
The ex husband finally gave me my Islamic divorce in the weekend. My dad's elder brother came to see us from London and well he just wanted to put an end to it. You see my sister wants to get married next year. She's a graduate whose completed her LLB this year and the man she wants to marry is an IT engineer in London, but studied in Manchester where he met my sister.
She has a year to do her legal practice course and then wants to marry and move to London and work there.
Anyway my family really like the guy, his family seem really impressed with my sister, but my uncle really doesn't want my divorce thing lingering around whilst this wedding planning goes on - and he really wants this wedding to go ahead next year. So he travelled down with his own mullah (also a family friend).
My dad invited the ex's granddad, he also informed the ex's family in Bnagladesh what was happening and my dad went and called the ex to come to the house. Well he kind of threatened that if he didn't make his own way down my brother will drive to Wales and get him.
The ex's uncle and aunt wr not invited at first because they wany to delay this for as long as they can even though my dad explained that my English divorce is almost finalised now and I am just waiting for my decree absolute.
But in the end his uncle came cos the granddad, well he doesn't rule the family and make the big decisions.
Of course I was really excited about it - finally I am going to be completely free of the man.
It all kicked off on Sunday evening. My uncle led the meeting saying the marriage has not worked out, the girl (referring to me) wants a divorce and what was the point of waiting.
The ex husband wanted a bisar (basically a debate on who was in the wrong etc). My uncle, whose very scary when and you'll be begging for our life). My uncle asked the ex whether he wanted to be with me. The ex replied no. My uncle asked him if he wanted a divorce, the ex said yes. So my uncle asked everybody in the room why we were waiting then. He then called the Mullah over and asked him to do what he had to do.
The ex's uncle stood up and said this was not on and another argument broke out. We were in the dining room trying to listen in on what was being said. My uncle stood up this time and asked the ex's uncle what was the problem. Both parties had agreed to a divorce so why wait any longer? He also kept warniing the ex's uncle not to make him lose his temper, in fact none of us wanted my uncle to lose his temper. I have seen him punch his hand through a window when he got vexed at his son for flunking out of uni and my my mum was very worried about her new glass coffee table getting smashed.
But once my uncle raised his voice, the ex's uncle quickly sat down. My dad had not even opened his mouth and just let his older brother take charge. my uncle was reaching his 60s but will take on any young men. he had an aura of authority around him and almost demanded respect (though people wr probably more scared than anything else).
After about two hours, things went hush in the room and the Mullah got on with his thing. He even handed me an a4 sheet that declared that I was no longer married to the ex husband and that we both wished to divorce. I signed it and dated it. This he said was for his record at the mosque in London. My sister made a copy of it in my dad's office for my record.
After it was all over my uncle came and asked me if I was happy I smiled at him. the ex left with his uncle. They were not happy, they thought they were tricked into the whole thing. I don't see how when my uncle rang them saying lets meet to sort it all out !
But am happy chappy. My family feel so relieved to have ended it all. They have a new wedding to plan and look forward to.
In the meantime I plan to keep things between me and dante very quiet. the last thing I want is this coming out and ruining any plans for my sister and her forthcoming wedding. I think the family she is marrying into will have a lot to say about me if they knew, but her boyfriend reckons that after the wedding, if me and Dante planned to get married they probably wouldn't have a problem, his family are quite religious. His youngest aunt married a white man who converted to Islam and they were very happy about it and as i've mentioned Dante has been talking about converting as well.
So things seem to be working out.
I don't feel sorry for the ex - he's actually really happy in north wales according to his boss and I know cos the boss's brother is a friend of my brother.
Next weekend is my sister's cini faan - basically her boyfriend's side will come down and arrange a date for the wedding and we feed their family plenty of sugary sweets and faan or phaan (basically its this special leafs from bangladesh and beetlenut chewed together).
My uncle is staying with us until the cini faan, his family will be coming over on Friday and they'll leave together on Sunday. My uncle also had other reasons for comin to Manchester. He has sold his restaurant in Mile End London and his flat is being sold and the family want to move to Manchester. We spent all yesterday looking at houses in Whalley Range and Chorlton, and whereas i think some are way too overpriced my uncle thought he was in heaven, for the same amount of money he was getting from his three bedroomed flat in London, he could buy a decent four bedroomed house in Chorlton with garden and parking. My uncle was having a field day.
His kids aren't happy about moving to Manchester but I keep telling them its a great city and plenty of things to do. But they keep arguing the night life in London especially for young Asians was far better than manchester, with so many diffrent eateries, cinemas and clubs catering to their needs.
I told them about rusholme but it doesn't make up for what they were leaving behind.
But uncle is determined to move back to Manchester. His first home was in manchester when he came over as a teenager to work in the mills.
Anyway we're seeing one more house today and he wants to put an offer in tomorrow morning.
It's great to have him around but my mum isn't too pleased and my dad isn't too keen to have his older brother around. They always felt they got on better living so far away and when theyre on each other's toes its likely that tempers will rise and things will get said. Uncle has already mentioned that he wants to help my dad out in his restaurant - my dad didn't say anything to him at the time, but i've heard him talking to my mum about it and how he doesn't want his brother to interfere and tell him what to do, whilst he respects his comments and ideas, he works better on his own.
Uncle also told me to wear a scarf over my head and that me and my sisters should try and put our shalwar kameez on at home at least and complained when my brother got home after 10pm.
I didn't say aything or even complain about it cos I know he's telling us this for our own good, but I do wonder how his two daughters in London spend all night out and get away with it.
Anyway I have a feeling he is going to like this house tonight as i've already driven past it and its just what he has always wanted and he is going to be a permenant fixture in our lives from now on!
Comments
Your uncle tells you to wear a scarf and Shalwar Kameez at home at you are saying his two daughters in London spends all night out and get away with it…Rugina you ugly fat big liar, yes, a “liaaaar” why couldn’t you tell your uncle about his daughters? I thought you said you are a modern educated girl finally you are becoming men free? Perhaps it is the starting point of your ending, I am saying this by reading your latest comments, it is more like a Muslim girl to me, than what you were describing yourself before a non-Muslim adulterer. We have Muslims in Poland too you know, but they do what they say not the other way around like yourself.
Posted by: Adelajda | September 4, 2007 05:00 PM
so since you're not related to the editor of this web or haven't even met any of the staffs who work on this web then how do you manage to write your blogs?? please do tell because i was thinking about starting my own blog!!!
Posted by: jemima | September 4, 2007 06:13 PM
Now you think people don't like you or your family, give me one good reason for someone to like you? Is there anything Iconic about you or your family! Is there any good example for people to follow from you or your family as Islamic?
There are people like you and many other spoiled girls like you out there, yes spoiled girls, but still they are not going around talking about their own community and arguing with people to find out what they actually want.
(I get accused of stereotyping but my god you guys are just as bad sometimes) so you do admit that you are a stereotype and typical Bengali girl?
Your uncle came and asked you if you were happy you smiled at him, in there for a moment you gave the impression like your are the princess of Samarkand.
Anyway, at least nowadays you are actually talking about Islam more and more; I think finally you are getting somewhere, well good luck.
Posted by: Sara Khan | September 5, 2007 10:10 AM
Yes Rugina Begum, you are here making things up - if that wasn’t the case you might as well write a novel. I guess no one will publish a book written by a headless girl with her crap and baseless stories. I bet you would do anything for money.
Posted by: Zosia | September 5, 2007 10:21 AM
Hiya folks
I'm part of the Manchester blogging network.
It really is quite easy to start your own blog.
The best way is to find a network on the internet, be it a site, an online newspaper from your area and just pitch your idea to whomever is in charge.
If it goes well you can email your entries or you'll get access to the programs that allow you to blog yourself.
I think it's great that Asian women are using this as a medium to tell their stories.
Folks if you have a story to tell then you can email your contributions to man@acornservice.com.
Anything quirky or even something like Rujina's tale will be of interest to us. So get writing and email us.
Tony
Posted by: Tony Cross | September 5, 2007 05:22 PM
What is it with some of you people? Nobody is telling you to read this girls blog.
If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Leave the girl alone and let her get on with her life.
Posted by: Farouk | September 5, 2007 10:37 PM
what's wrong with you people?! it's the first time i come here and that sounds to me more like molesting Rugina than anything else! Why such hatred? what motivates it? i do not understand!
Posted by: xoussef | September 6, 2007 03:45 AM
I think if any one molesting Rugina than anything else! It is someone like you xoussef. You are the one actually giving people the impressions that Rugina is weaker and people are molesting her. I think Rugina is more than capable of looking after and could talk for her self. Rugina does not need someone like you “Xoussef” to back her up; she is an educated modern girl, just in case you’ve forgotten to read all her comments before you’ve actually poked your nose in to a general discussion. My advice to you is that, go and read the blog and try to understand what is actually Rugina’s massage(s) is/are and what are the responses coming from people.
By the way Xoussef (“Rugina” and “Dante”) has been using different names and posted lots of AntiAsian comments, which more than half of us on this blog thinks that it is Dante and Rugina, whom are reading and writing AntiAsian comments with few other readers.
You should ask Rugina and Dante Why such hatred? What motivates it? Is it because, she is dating a black man (Dante) and she is not getting any support whatsoever? May be she should not started a blog with so call (Asian news) doesn’t she know majority of the readers going to be from Asian community?
One more thing I don't have any problem who dates whom, the only problems I am getting is that my community has been placed under the spotlight.
I am a man of my principle believe in my rank, trying to find my image through good and the junk.
Posted by: Mr Kamal | September 8, 2007 01:28 PM
I notice that the only people on this blog making positive comments are blokes. Thinking with their pants as per usual no doubt. Rujina is an embarrassment to the real independant and respectful Muslim women in the community. The kind of women who respect Islamic ideals, which should be the case if they follow the religion, and have self respect. Introducing a guy to your family and describing him as your "friend" when really he's your boyfriend shows such disrespect to the family.
Rujina if this blog is real, I'm afraid to say that I pity you. It's a shame, it really is. You complain of being controlled by men, yet when your uncle speaks none of your family dare to challenge him.
I'm somewhat intrigued by your literary mistakes in your postings also, as you claim to be a graduate and have a good job... please pay more attention to spellings and grammar in the future.
Posted by: Hulububu | September 10, 2007 08:33 PM
One false move
Jamaican women generally have big bums and large breasts, what on earth Mr Dante has seen on you Rugina Begum a 5.5" girl, probably your size not larger than average pomegranates.
Perhaps it is because; you like to eat Dante's favourite fruit cocktails in the new special way.
It is also possible that you started to share his favourite Jamaican vegetable (Ganja) other ways why he would be even thinking of converting to another religion?
Rugina, I think you are trying to create a bridge between a river and the Ocean. Unfortunately Rugina, they always repel each other.
I don't call it a social cohesion either, therefore, you should end your relationship with "Dante" while you can, but if you think it is a one-way road and there is no way return, then I certainly think it is the beginning of your end.
Posted by: Martin | September 11, 2007 10:57 AM
Rugina, Does Obsession with appearance and regimes of false nails, hair extensions, spray-on tans, sun beds, weight loss and exercise means anything to you?
Perhaps you are forgetting the facts that you are an expired plastic.
Posted by: Linda Kent | September 11, 2007 11:22 AM
What happen to you Rugina?
Are you sharing your own Cinir Phoon too with someone else beside Dante?
You certainly look busy nowadays?
Posted by: Abhilashi | September 12, 2007 01:27 PM
Rugina, if you don't have time to update your blog than you should shout it down and if you aren’t feeling comfortable with negative comments then what the eff you doing here in the first place?
I guess you have given up you ugly big fat liar.
Posted by: Abhilashi | September 12, 2007 01:33 PM
If Rugina is such a horrible person, then why do you people read this blog? All this hatred needs to stop!!!
Posted by: Ashley DaCosta | September 14, 2007 04:02 AM
u guys r soooo lame, havin a fit over stupid blog
Posted by: annms | September 14, 2007 03:44 PM
I think Rujina may have gone back to the drawing board, to plan and launch an attack for her next post. Good Luck Rujina.
Posted by: Hulububu | September 15, 2007 02:37 PM
And you might be?
Let me guess…….
Aren’t you the girl whose comments are full of anti-Asian remarks?
Aren’t you that girl who has shown hatred toward practising Muslims on your comments?
Listen people; listen to “Ashley DaCosta” go and read comments posted by Ashley DaCosta and find out for yourself, read Ashley DaCosta’s comments on Dante’s
” Tasty jerk chicken” and Rugina’s “The last taboo” see what Ashley DaCosta has been saying. Apart from spreading hatred toward other race and religion she does not have anything to talk about and most of the time she doesn’t have clues whatsoever what she’s on about.
This clueless, racist, a girl full of attitudes and less brain whose argument based on her hatred toward other race and religions asking people (All this hatred needs to stop!!!) like she is Rugina Begum herself.
Perhaps it is Rugina herself as some of the readers have been mentioning for a long time, other ways why on earth she should be talking on behalf of Rugina on most of her comments? A girl’s comments are full of anti-Asian remarks just because Rugina is dating a black man and Asian people aren’t being supportive.
Ashley DaCosta go and read your own comments and take some time to think about what you’ve actually written, then perhaps admit to us that you have been spreading racial and religious hatred and you are willing to stop, because others are about to report you. Then people also might consider themselves being nice to you Rugina.
I hope you understand by now, what it means to be offended by a simple opinion, however, an opinion can be looked at by one who thinks it is positive, but this same opinion is proven to someone else negative.
Posted by: Martin | September 17, 2007 02:59 PM
I find it amusing that so many people who are 'pro' Rugina keep telling others to stop reading this blog if they don't like what is being written- if that was the case, then the 'pro' team would have nothing to respond to, the blog would be boring and not half as popular as it is- so I think the 'pro' team need to pipe down.
As for everyone else- everyone is entitled to an opinion- and others are welcome to challenge it- but please do it in an educated way, rather than 'i'm right, you're wrong'.
I'm neither pro nor against Rugina. I do however, believe there is a significant fictitious element to this blog- well there has to be to make it more interesting. Furthermore, I do belive Rugina is her own worst enemy sometimes by trying to fight so called 'stereotypes' whilst propagating them at the same time.
I'm not sure why Dante's race is such an issue- the fact of the matter is Rugina was dating a non-Muslim man, whilst she was still married- Rugina herself will have to answer for that- no amount of name-calling will compensate for it.
And finally, since it is the month of Ramadan, lets keep the name calling to a minimum.
Ramadan Mubarak.
Posted by: Sam | September 18, 2007 01:38 PM
I've just read this blog form beginning to end and it's intriguing. 'Her story' as Rugina writes it is an insightful example of a British Bengali girl’s environment. Rugina and the people she writes about (relatives, friends, colleagues etc) remind me of some of the people in my life. Though, I do still question whether her story is 100% true or a little bit fabricated. What’s even more questionable are the posts left by Asian men, their comments are rather telling and it leads me to believe, ‘the ex’ is a caricature of these men.
Rugina, whether this is your real life diary, or a culmination of stories based on truth, its an entertaining read…..so, how are things going anyway?
Posted by: Anonymous | September 20, 2007 10:39 PM
Wow... I just came across this blog, its very interesting! I am surprised to find that there are so many Bengali girls in inter-race relationships.
Living in London, it seems really rare. I have been dating my English boyfriend for two years now and loads of my Asian friends were shocked and some horrified when they first found out. Im happy to say a lot of them are cool with it now, especially the ones who know him. Its nice to hear all the success stories, about bengali girls who managed to persuade their families to look beyond the persons skin colour.
We're at a point in our relationship where we have decided that we want to be together and now we're just waiting for the right time to break it to my family. At 25 years of age, you can imagine how the pressure is being piled on about getting married. Im just not cut out for all that arranged marriage lark - im not sayin its a bad thing... my brothers and sisters had arranged marriages and it worked out fine for them - but you have to have the mentality for it otherwise it wont work!
Anyway, what I don't get is why people find it so hard to believe some elements of this blog? What exactly seems so ficticious?
Posted by: Aysha | September 23, 2007 01:46 AM
this girls chats from her ass
Posted by: Anonymous | September 23, 2007 06:51 PM
'This girl chats form her ass'
Now theres an opinin, based on what exactly?
Please do tell.....
Posted by: Anonymous | September 28, 2007 11:53 AM
Where has "Rujina" disappeared to? Surely she has to approve these messages for them to come up? So shes checking her mail...but not posting back? Hmmm I wonder what excuse she'll pull out of the bag this time to explain the delay in a follow up post.
Posted by: Hulububu | September 29, 2007 11:16 PM
to "Mr Kamal": this is a public blog so why should y i refrain from "poking my nose" in it? i just want to understand, and have no pretension to defend any or molest anyone. I just don't like that mini-war taking place here. People should be more courteous no matter who's right and who's wrong.
But what really bothers me is that people here seem to hold her responsible for the hole community image and values. i don't think a mere individual can be representative of a community. Doing so is wrong toward the individual and the community.
Posted by: xoussef | October 1, 2007 10:21 PM
So Rugina have you actually thought about settling down at? Because you are not getting any younger are you?
In deep down you know everyday you are getting older, bolder and fatter and no girls wants to end up alone at the age of 30 therefore whatever you are about to do you should make your decisions quickly.
Posted by: Adelajda | October 2, 2007 12:44 PM
Rujina is just telling her story the way it is. We are all entitled to our opinions - pro or anti. But do we have to be so rude and use profanities which are unneccessary. And before judging Rujina, I suggest some of you take a look at your own non-perfect selves. People who are capable of such aggression are clearly not perfect.
Rujina - I think you were extremely silly to get married in BD as a rebound thing. I would never do what you did in a million years because I know the life I lead would not be compatible with someone from BD - I know this from meeting many many BD rellies coming over to the UK via marriage. So that's probably why some people find it difficult to believe that someone who is moden would go to BD to get married.
I agree that the husband sounds like a twit but that didn't give you the right to involve him in your complicated life and feelings.
Hope you sort your life out and find happiness. And sense.
Posted by: Anon | October 2, 2007 04:02 PM
I was wondering how Rugina’s father came to this country?
I wonder why Rugina's father came to UK?
I wonder how he would have come to UK! other than marrying a girl like Rugina and probably would have end up like Rugina’s husband. At least some of us come here for study where as others are not even studying when everything is paid for them.
Rugina, do you actually believe that people would agree that your husband was a twit when you are talking alone? Every story has two sides you know.
Take a moment and think about it; how you used to be, what you are doing now and what you did in your past and how you did them, finally how you ended up marrying a guy so call twit just because any one did not find you attractive.
You see Rugina you cannot always do things your way, people also has a choice, but some don’t have any and they had to end up with people like you. Your husband is that example.
Posted by: Abhilashi | October 2, 2007 05:20 PM
Ok then Martin...Im glad you have all this time on your hands that you can pin point all the comments I've made. I have not once been racist in my remarks. I am half portuguese and half hungarian and my boyfriend is sikh... I am the least racist person you will ever meet..I shouldnt even have to justify myself to you!
wow..so Im going to get reported? really can you tell me what I've said that's so racist?
My remarks are true! and since I couldnt remember what I'd written months ago (since I have a job and a life and I can't remember posts on a blog) I had to go read what I'd written. So Im still trying to figure out what you, in your ignorant mind considers racist....My sister is a nurse in the emergency room at a local hospital. On average, they get 3 south asian girls a month who have tried to commit suicide but have failed.. these are facts...do some research...people are free to practice whatever religion they chose however, any religion can be taken to extremes and in that case, it's members lose sight of who they are and what makes them happy. Im not trying to become enemies with anyone..I am happy that Rugina is living her life and is able to be happy. Relationships of mixed race and religion are hard but they can work and there is nothing wrong with them. Open your mind or at least see someone else's point of view...Im not spreading hatred...there are people commenting on this blog who are and it is not necessary..if you don't like something, you dont have to read it...why post a hateful comment? isn't the world full of enough hatred? Do we need more? Rugina is just a girl trying to live her life and is sharing it with people. If you're so angry, go write a book!
Posted by: Ashley DaCosta | October 4, 2007 04:15 AM
You are not the only one with a job Ashley and I don't need to cut and paste your comments all over again they are already there, people can read them.
One more thing if anybody is angry it is you Ashley who has hatreds against Asian and Muslims.
Posted by: Martin | October 10, 2007 09:54 AM
I cant believe I'm arguing with (what clearly seems to be) a 12 year old who can't justify himself. Maybe a few more years of school will help you. If I'm racist, then George Bush is a genius....
Posted by: Ashley DaCosta | October 13, 2007 02:10 AM
Where has Rugine disappeared to? I hope she's not been too busy over Ramadan or Eid, or is it taking some time to make her stories more interesting?
I expect her sister to be married and pregnant in our next instalment and for the ex husband to profess his undying love for her.
Either way, she has got readers gripped.
Posted by: Anon | October 16, 2007 09:00 AM
I'm getting bored of waiting, I'm off leave you guys to it.
Good luck Rugina.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 17, 2007 04:25 PM
Hi
There was a message posted on the 5/09/08 by Adelajda,i am quiet surprised by what you said due to the fact that Rugina isn't responsible for grassing up her cousins,it's for the father to find and and then discipline his daughter if he wishes too.Some of you people are very ignorant and i can imagine you to be very judgemental which is a disgrace to the muslim religion anyhow.
I am a muslim bangladeshi girl , who at the time had no sympathy for Rugina as i went through a forced amrriage ,which resulted to a very bad outcome but listening to her she seems to have learnt from her mistake and is getting on with her life as best as she could and not harming anybody directly ,at least she isn't accusing somebody of lieing ,unless you know her personally
Posted by: ROMMANA | April 2, 2008 09:52 PM