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hey rujina, you know what the difference between you and me is? when day of judgement comes Allah (swt) and the Angels ask me the question have you ever dated any 1? i can proudly say that i haven't thats one thing that may stop me from going to hell. however if he asks you the same thing what would you do? despite being a muslim, despite people explaining to you in this blog about dating, your still proud of what your're doing. can you look up and say the things i can or would you look down shamefully?

I agree with Afsana, Mashallah she is very wise. She is not judging you Rujina, she is making you face facts.

Your're a muslim at the end of the day and what you're doing is wrong from an islamic point of view. If you truly belive in Allah (swt), change the way you are living your life and repent to Allah (swt) before it is too late. Inshallah if you really regret what you did, Allah will forgive you.

HOWEVER if you dont believe in Allah and don't obey his commands, then DO NOT call your self a muslim. Allah (swt) is looking down on everyone of us and watching our every move. Dont ever forget that and Allah (swt). Think of what you're doing right now and what Allah (swt) is thinking of you.

Yes i understand no one is perfect and everyone commits sins and makes mistakes. But i am advising you as a sister to change your life before its too late if you really have faith in Allah (swt). You will know whats right and whats wrong and Allah (swt) knows best.

This is soooooo funny.lol.i cant stop laughing. to me it seems like party's have formed. Fatima, Afsana, Ahmed and Iqbal seem to be one party and the others another party! (Lara,sara, ashley D'costa and Dee)

i mean what Rugina does with Dante, its her problem, she doesn't have to go in to detail, telling us what she and Dante actually do... The blog and the comments are interesting to read, as we are getting so many different views and opinions from people, who are from the same community. BUT hold firm interpretations of their religion and culture. ..

And by the way DEE, who are u to judge my comments, so what does that make u!?? thinking?? a HYPOCRITE! and i wasnt judging rugina, if i was i would have called her a slut straight forward. And if rugina cant take negative comments, then y is she positng this, and asking people to COMMENT!

I dun fink she's a slut - a slut is my neighbour who sleeps wid diffrnt men every week and all her kidz hav diffrnt dadz.

When you throw religion down someone's throat they tend to rebel even more, no point telling soemone don't do this or don't do that because they will do it even more. She's an adult and she's a blogger, writing about personal stuff is what bloggers do I guess and she seems to know wat's right from wrong, if dat's the pasth she's chosen to lead, then let her lead it.

Rujina not all of us Asian men are traditional narrow minded losers. I am a professional and think nothing of the fact that you have been married before or are even in a relationship with a black man, I hope it works out. If it doesn't then please don't think no Asian man will ever want you. I think you've been through a lot, I admire your independence and the fact that you want to get on with life, some of us men actually like that in a woman. I'm Muslim and I date, I date because I want to find the right partner. I know its against my religion but how else do you meet someone, I don't care about their colour or creed, all I am looking for is a nice girl! Rujina me and my freinds will not judge you.

I'm Muslim because I was born into a Muslim family, like rujina I am not practising, a lot of people like me attend the mosque because we have to - to make our parents happy, it's more out of duty to our family than anything else. I feel like this becayse religion was always force fed to me as a youngster, we hated going to mosque where we learnt nothing and if we made a mistake got smacked with a stick, I hated being told to read namaz five times a day especially when I didn't know what I was saying, this has lead to me rebelling and not appreciating the faith, maybe rujina has had similar experiences or understand where I'm coming from. It's not as easy as saying she's doing soemthing haram, you have to look at why?

abdul, you are as bad as rujina - i'd say you guys will make a good couple!!!!

I think Dante will lay his seeds and leave.

i agree with ahmed, so rugina when is the wedding????

Here we go afsana and ahmed da holy and pious ones, who have nver commited a single sin in their lives and are granted jannah wiout ques! You two wud make a good couple.

Abdul brother i hear wot ur saying, i was lyk dat, islam was forced upon me when i was a child and i prctised for da fear ov my father and not allah.

In some respect i am grateful because i would have never learnt the things my father taught me which remains with me today.

But then i did rebel and commit alot ov sins.

Alhamdulilla now i am practising and realise islam is the way ov lyf and can now pass on what my father taught me to my children.

As for rugina "dating" do u ppl think that she is stupid and does not know what she is doing?

Yes give her dawa to islam but who are you lot to say she is not a muslim? Your as good as calling her a kufr astagfirulla, things lyk dat shud not be sed lightly.

There are so many muslims who have lived jahill lives and done terrible things, and at the end ov da day because they are born muslims see da light and come on to da right path.

Allah swt is the all seeing and the all knowing. Not you lot!

I have a question about islam? You're not allowed to date? Ok fine, whatever, but 99% of muslim guys that I know, do date....so the girls can't date but the guys can? Wow, talk about double standard. I can't remember your name but someone told me that Islam shouldnt get with the times. Ok, that's great whatever but in some countries like afganistan, you use religion as a scapegoat. Why do women have to wear a burka? Why in Islamic countries if you get divorced, the man gets the children? There are a lot of double standards in your religion. I dont think the Quaran preaches this but I think the so called men who are interpreting it are taking it to a different level and making women out to be second class citizens. Some Islamic countries don't let women vote or attend their husbands funerals. I'm sorry but I don't agree with any of this!!! So Islam does need to get with the times. It seems like a lot (and I dont mean all) of Muslim men have this "do as I say and not as I do" mentality.

and by the way, can all you people who are preaching to Rugina, leave her alone!!!! You're telling her she's going to hell...ok, I'm sure you people arent being brainwashed...Life is about doing good on earth and treating people with respect. If you date someone, you're not going to hell!!!! And if you think that, it's pathetic. i was watching a documentary about Islam and some guy said that suicide bombers go to heaven where 17 virgins are waiting for him. Ok, Im not even going to comment on that because it's so ridiculous. I understand these are your beliefs but if Allah told you to jump off a bridge would you do it? this is crazy...just stop telling Rugina that she's going to hell....keep your comments to yourself..or find something productive to do with your time instead of preaching to her.

Ashley, dating isn't allowed in our religion, neither men or women are allowed to date, but unfortunately it does happen and there's not much we can do about it. However I have learnt that if two people are serrious about each they should get married as soon as possible and put an end to their sin.

Unfortuntaly in our religion men often do bend the rules sometimes to please themselves and women get treated unfairly, but Islam does not teach that, it is a fair religion and was the first religion to give women their rights even way before Christianity, so please don't blame Islam for this, Muslims can only try and follow the religion as closely as they can, unfortunately this is difficult in a western country.

We don't all condemn rugina to hell, allah is all loving and forgiving and only he can decided what is written in her fate.

thanks salim,
I think what bothers me the most is that a lot of muslim men preach one thing and do another and that really bothers me. If a woman was to do that, she would be treated horribly so it's unfair. I have a lot of muslim friends and some girls have talked about suicide so often and it's really sad. It's not fair to them and I feel for them but there's nothing I can do so in some respects Islam needs to change its ways.

Rugina good luck with your life, hope all works out with Dante.

one question ever thought about what your parents will say about all this ?

so ashley all the muslim girls you know of are talking about suicide because they cant live this kind of life anymore? are you making all this up cos it sounds like to me you are!! god i really do get pissed off when non-muslims think that we are supressed when in fact islam gives us women so much freedom!!

Do you think everyone makes things up? Is that the answer for everyone on this forum? No, Im not making this up. One of these girls actually ranaway from home and has since come back and her life is more hell than it was before. So all this freedom you're talking about? Can you explain it to me? Because from what I understand and what Ive heard it doesnt look like you have very much freedom. Especially in Islamic countries! Why can't you have your children if you get divorced? Why can't some women in certain islamic countries vote? I can go on and on. Id like you to explain to me about all this freedom.

it looks like you work for this site rujina. you got other blogs on this site. yeh i've read some of them and their quite interesting. and all you people are such fools believeing her, she is lying to make this site popular, i bet you she doesn't even care about your points and views. its all a big fat lie. damn and i started to actually believe the lies. you should be ashamed of yourself huritng their feelings of these poor people that were sticking up for you and saying that your telling the truth, as for fatima you were right all along. another reason for why i think your making these stories is because, an oridinary person can't start a new blog, so what does that mean. you never know the website is probably yours, and you could do anything for people to be aware of it. but carry on writing though its a good use of entertainment.

I want to make it clear to ASHLEY that i was not telling Rujina she is going to hell. Only Allah (swt) knows who is going to hell and who is going to heaven. I was just advising her to change her ways before its too late, meaning before she regrets it later on in life. Also its not islam that needs to change its ways, its people. Yeh i admit there are a lot of people out there that are claiming to be muslims and doing extreme things, i.e. suicide bombing. Islam does not teach us to do that, the best guide is Quran and sunnah thats all i can say. You might not know that coz your're not a muslim but Rujina is.

you know what dee, your pathetic did i ever mention of me being a perfect muslim. i said exaclty the same thing as you, and that is being a practising muslim. but how does that stop me from commiting sins. i just tried to explain to rujina about islam. i was trying to be a GOOD muslim thats it.

Anonymous, do u seriously think i giv a toss abt wot u think ov me?

My whole point is do u think rugina doesnt know wot shez doing? She really needs the lyks ov u to tell wots right and wrong?

U dont lyk feedback, then stop reading and commenting.

Amina weather its true or not, its working, just check out how many ppl are reading and commenting.

Amina is talking sense, Rugina is full of shit making these things up.

what a heated argument everyone is having, over Lies lies and more lies.

Rugina get a Life and stop complaining

RugiLiar !!!!!.

Dee stop being a preacher and giving hadiths which is out of context.

Ashley before making any comment on islam do your home work. Dnt say muslim country this and that because majority of the muslim country they have western style government which was set up by british and americans. Not even one muslim country on this planet follow sharia law.

I did do my homework and I have read that women are not allowed to attend their husbands funerals. Why can't women get their children if they divorce? Why do some Muslim women have to wear a burka? Im not saying it's all countries but I've been to Turkey and the treatment of women is disgusting there.

It really bothers me when non muslim people select a few bad cases and then tar the rest of us Muslims with the same brush. In any religion, culture, etc, you will always find a few bad cases.

Ashley, you think that some women are treated disgustingly, but do you know that these women may actually be content with their lives? I wear a hijab. I know other people may look at me and think my rights are being infringed but they are not. So I dont think you should go round saying that the treatement of some Muslim women are disgusting when in fact you know nothing about their lives. I am not trying to have a go at you btw. I am just trying to explain.

Can people please get off their high horse, I enjoy reading this blog - it gives people like me a fascinating insight into a different culture. Though her life may not be perfect, is probably not similar to your guys and any rational minded person will not think she is representing the whole of the Asian or Muslim community but her own story, what's the big deal.

I've been reading the comments and I find that some comments from the Muslim women are a bit harsh not just towards rujina but to other people who have posted comments. Ashley sinmply wants to understand a bit more, but barking down her throat will only reinforce any ideas she's had.

If you guys can't stand rujina then do something else, em and my girlfriend find her interesting, we don't think she's a fake and want to carry on eading to see what happens.

People are being rude on here by calling the author names. But I think she gave up on her marriage too easily. I have been in the UK a few years and it took me a couple to learn good English and the culture.

Forida,
yes i do believe that some muslim women are treated badly!!! These women are not content with their lives!!!! They are not able to do otherwise so they have to accept the stupidity!!!! Id like someone to explain to me about all this freedom that muslim women have!!! People keep telling me that they have so much freedom...EXPLAIN IT!!!! I have a lot of muslim friends..most are not practising and the few that are practising are fed up!! They dont want an arranged marriage!!! One girl was supposed to marry her cousin from pakistan but she ranaway...when she came back home, her fiancee/cousin didnt want her anymore...now her parents are treating her like a hostage...she can't use the phone, she is escorted to school and back...Im not saying this is typical in all muslim families but why can't she marry who she wants? She also doesnt want to wear a hijab and at school she takes it off. So Im asking you where her freedom is? I feel so badly for her but there is nothing anyone can do. I would just like to understand about this freedom you are talking about...Im not here to start a feud but I would like some answers..everyone is being so hostile when all Im asking is for an explanation. If all muslims are this hostile when they speak, no wonder the media portrays you that way!!!!

i really like this blog now. both the story and the comments make me laugh.poeple who post comments are hilarious man!

I think its a bad idea for UK girls to find a husband from back home. It'll never workout. those men over there are too arrogant to know whats good for them. so they'll treat the girls like they don't know anything.

They have grown up thinking they know the best. So once the are over here they'll do the same thing.

Most of the men back home haven't really done any work. They might be educated or might not. But they really have no idea about real hard work. They rely of their family and friends for support. But once they are independent they don't know a thing.

I've seen too many men who come here thinking its a luxury. Because where they come from (if they live in the city) they have people doing everything for them. Like cooking, cleaning.

What most of them try to do is get involved in these quick money making schemes, that they heard from a family member or friend. They hear stories of some guy, cousin or a friend of a cousin or something, making truck load of money doing this property thing. They try to do it themselves. But they fail. Not because its a scheme. But because they tend to get bored after a while. They don't bother to see their "schemes" through to the end.
What a waste.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't all like this. Some really do come here to make a living. They try to integrate into this society. They want to be independent. They work hard to make a family and home.

Just to finish off, i'll say something about my self. So you can write to reply accordingly.
I am male and i was born in UK. am a Muslim. Don't practice much but i believe in the fundamentals of it. Am still student, for few more months.
Haven't married, dated.
I do have good relation with people (family) back home and here, so i know most of whats going on. Seen lots of marriages, some worked out really well and others haven't.
I believe Rujina's story is very sad. I understand why she divorced her husband. I agree with the decision. Its better to get out early. Things can get very complicated later on, especially with kids.

Rujina good luck with your life. I probably won't see the replys to my comments here, i don't visit this website often. These are my opinions and my experience.

a lot of you guys who come to this site are telling some1 what to do. let me tell u smething if some1 told u 2 do smething then would u do it. if some1 wants 2 live their lyf a certain way then let them. y r u fighting over what goes on in other ppls lives. get over urselves. havent u got anything better 2 do. by da way those ppl giving out religous advice if some1 doesnt want 2 take it then leave it.

Religion when practised as people wish or how is suits them is the root of all evil. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE SITE, THE READ, THE COMMENTS why not do something productive with your time and pluck all the extremists out of our community - wanting 17 virgins is just greedy.....

hello i just read a fwe posts here and there!

but all you guys out there are you just here to condemn? didn't you read anythink that rujina posted? she does not preach to be amuslim so how can you effect ur law on her????
n ya she is soooo going to hell! how hypocritical can u get?!

really GET A LIFE!!!!!

Ashley, I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to your situation with your boyfriend.

I am dating a Muslim Pakistani man. We've been together since high school, through university and we are both now working but he is under a lot of pressure from his family to marry a nice Pakistani girl.It's been reall tough because he's torn between me and his family.

There's not only pressure on women but on men as well, i just don't understand it. There's so much emotional blackmail against young people that they are forced to give up their own happinmess for their family only for a life of misery.

Ashley I hope things work out for you and I hope my oyfriend's family realise he'd be better off with marrying someone he loves rather than being forced to marry a complete stranger or just as worse his cousin!

hey, this is to ASHLEY and DANNY.
I'd just like to say that yes, your questions are reasonable but turkey is not a muslim country. nowadays there is no muslim country and Afghani women wearing burkas? let me tell you i wear the veil, i'm a teenager, and i'm from England and i think that the oppression on those women is severe and harsh. I feel sorry for them ok. Islam teaches that each person has free will, so everyone stop hollering at rujina she knows what's right and wrong and please try and behave like adults. I just stumbled on this forum but u guys are so hyped up.CHILL OUT. Anyway, i have many muslim friends and half of the mdon't wear a scarf or veil and a few of them date but calm down, u remind them once and then u lay off. it's their life. ANd the topic about Suicide bombing, just for the record, it is totally illegal in Islam.So where did u get 17 virgins from? Seriously..Also arranged marriages and the abroad thing, it is totally cultural okay. You can get married to who you want and forced marriages are totally forbidden.
Anyway, i hope u all learn something..For Allah's sake ...(For Pete's Sake) ;)

Afsana wrote: "when day of judgement comes Allah (swt) and the Angels ask me the question have you ever dated any 1? i can proudly say that i haven't thats one thing that may stop me from going to hell."

Perhaps Allah will laugh and say: "You fool, you've just come FROM hell...!!"
Sorry but I have difficulty believing that a supreme being would have nothing better to do than worry about whether one individual among 6.5 billion people on this Earth has ever dated.

it was just an example pete robinson

honestly pete robinson i dont c y u highlighted afsanas comments when she is just a minor of 1 to 6.5 billion in the world! and maybe she is not worrying but jus advising Rugina, Pete it may all seem abit random to you but Afsana has knowledge of what she talks abt and i think Rugina to an extent will understand as she is bengali its not as if Afsana is being negative its just her opinion

Whats the topic about marriage and dating in the islamic perspectve?
Well dating is haram in Islam but still Desi muslims date.Its not just western culture ,in desi culture too.There are many times no emotions involved just 4 pleasure of the guy.But it still is wrong.

Who will goto hell and who will not Allah nows,but every sin will be punished and that includes dating.Rugina if u r bengali,"tomakay boli tumi nejay kay prosno koro " if what u doing is correct.

What is ur religion Rugi? You cannot say u r Muslim and do not practice or pretend that u r non-Muslim at the same time? the deference between a Muslim and non-Muslim is; Muslims pray (Namaaz) salat and not Muslim don’t.

U r infect seating in a Physics exam and hoping to gain a chemistry qualification, am sure u can figure it out, what am saying, after all u r an educated girl.

I salute Rujina on living her life the way she wants to. Free will is the greatest gift we've been given.

What if the day of judgement comes and you're asked "why did you blindly follow everything you were told without question?". What will you say then?

Surely ignorance and biggotry which leads to anger, abuse and violence is more punishable than insubordination which leads to a more fruitful life...

Faith is blind belief without proof. I'm sure you'll be rewarded for trying to see clearer than to be blind.